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2007-03-04 I got the best book ever from my girlfriend, Sarah, who just returned from Pakistan. It's called Stylish Love Letters, and its motto: "Love is a delicate art. It must be handled delicately. This books assists you to speak your heart delicately and effectively." For such a delicate art, I'd have expected a bit better wording and grammar in the letters. But then it wouldn't be so funny. It has a whole bunch of letters—all in English, the language of the Pakistani elite—that I guess people are supposed to use as inspiration in writing their own, or just to rip off where appropriate. The letters all have titles, including: "Why plunge in love at first sight?", "How do I love thee, could I count the way" (he's not sure if he can count to one, apparently), and the highly romantic "True love is less a passion than a symbol."
It also gives great insight into Pakistani culture. The letter "Love in the making," begins: My grand Naveed, Your letters of the 15th, 16th and 18th are before me and oh, you beat me, I mean you have overwhelmed me with your charm of manner and gallantry of heart.
Later in the letter, it says: I will impress on your that I have an eye for the appreciation of the fine things in life and nature. There was a stir in the heart of the city. Three famed wrestlers of U.S.A. reputation visited the place. Prior to their show they were doing some shopping. It seemed there was the unusual crowd following these man-mountains, though many of the gentler sex were scared of them. Then there was a show, wrestling considerable number of the fairer sex were there, to see those man-mountains tearing each other, ripping open their sockets, breaking jaws and joints. Could they be sadistic I for one have never liked a wrestling match? It unnerves me - what say you? Instead I went off to a movie....
Wrestling is huge in Pakistan, but I guess some people eschew it to impress their lovers.
There's also a saucy, sexist, adultrous letter called "Love letter to a sister-in-law," where a guy slags off his wife while wooing her sister: A woman is not to learn biology to know about the biological needs of the man she marries or her own self. The animal instinct is always there. All that a woman ought to know is to make that a pleasing task, and I have seen that you do know it. A woman never learns physics to know the calories of heat required to cook a vegetable.... Then what use it is to me to know that your sister is highly educated? Education at the college has deprived her of the education she would have learnt elsewhere to know the art of pleasing a husband. After all, where did you learn that art? Kashifa, what a pity that to my share has fallen a flabby, dull and somewhat swollen-headed woman that is your sister.... I am prepared to lose all, if I can have you, as you are. With loves, ______
But I guess it's not just these letters that have random stuff in them. My aunt wrote in her Christmas card to me about how the our relatives are doing, ending it: I'm sending you a little money for Xmas. [Your uncle] is about the same. They found a dead young man out at the park by the grandstand. Haven't found out who yet. Love, Aunt ______
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